Saturday, June 18, 2005

A Sticky End?




Sad, though.

Was Nearly That Age

I used to be "nearly that age." As of today, I am that age and it's a significant one. It's nearly five o' clock - so that means - "wine time." See ya later.

Taysiders in Space

Chewin' The Fat's outrageous piss take of Star Trek. Sweary but hilarious. Non Scots may, - nah, make that will, have difficulty with translation

WMV file

8MB version here

3MB version here

Wall Hanging Computer




How to build a wall hanging computer. Right, where's that laptop from work?

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Gig Posters




Great site selling gig posters for too many bands to mention- click pic again

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Doggy Signs From Around the World




Some crackers - click pic to go

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Come Together




Pyschedelic Flash of the Beatles - clicky pic to view

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Time Of Your Life




Simple but very effective Flash of Green Day - click pic to play

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The Very Model of a Modern Labour Minister

Ecletech's take on identity cards, in a Gilbert and Sullivan manner. Superb.

"The honourable gentleman would like to see us all equipped
With various bits of biometric data on a memory chip
In fact without one you'll a become practical nonentity
It is the card that proves you have a national identity!"

Link

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Friday, June 17, 2005

Searching Far And Wide For Cycling Companion



...and madness ensues

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Tales of Drunken Purchases




Another shitty week ends and b3ta comes to my rescue.


"Many a night after 10 or so pints of Stella, I've crawled to my room, found the PC still on and proceeded to eBay. Drunken things I have bought from eBay were:25 Blank DVDs for £25 even though I don't have a DVD Burner. A Mini Disc player for £45 despite already having the exact same model. A Key Generator for Windows 2000 (£2). I am on XP. A Gmail account for £0.99- I have a Gmail account already with 50 unused invites. Fifa 2004 (£16)...for the PS2....a games console that I don't own. Windows XP Professional (£14) that I already have. A pair of nice Diesel trainers for £11...size 7. I am size 11! A Morrisons carrier bag (£0.04...+£1 PP.) An online girlfriend who was "willing to email me, saying anything I wanted, no holds barred". I got her to write me a 2000 word economics essay for me... Which got me a grade D!"

More tales here



Will This Ever End ?



More Rumsfeld / Cheney BS

"Halliburton to build new $30 mln Guantanamo jail"

"The announcement comes the same week that Vice President Dick Cheney and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld defended the jail after U.S. lawmakers said it had created an image problem for the United States. "

Link

When Squirrels Attack

Dogs - Don't Ya Just Luv'em ?


Layla (click for bigness)

This is the love of my life but there's a great blog that links to Flickr with many more - all say aaaawwww!!!

Link

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To Cuba (almost) by Outrigger Sailing Canoe



"In 2003, Tim attempted to solo sail from Florida to Cuba in an outrigger canoe. After his rudder broke, he drifted off course and had a rough time. He started hallucinating -- the sails and the waves began speaking to him, offering useful advice to help him out of his predicament."

Link

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A great illustrated read

The Answer To The Bermuda Triangle Debate ?



"One theory now suggests that when the covering of "methane ice" which exists over much of the seabed of the Bermuda Triangle becomes unstable; this causes instability of the sea and an explosive mixture of air and methane above. Any ships or planes travelling over the area could sink or catch fire."

Link

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So they haven't discovered that rare and difficult to find species of cow which has adapted to undersea life, then?

Thursday, June 16, 2005

The Case Of The Mysterious Missing Turd



It’s the raincoat you notice first. Long, fawn, grubby with years of unidentifiable and not-to-be-thought-about-too-deeply stains. Wrinkles suggest a lack of familiarity with dry cleaning or, more likely, an iron-free life. It is seldom, if ever, fastened and reveals a pair of ancient breeks, pulled high up the rotund belly and fastened with a belt. Despite this, they manage to fray at the bottom as they concertina round the ancient scruffy brogues.

He has untidy, lengthy grey hair that could do with some Head and Shoulders. Sometimes he wears a very grubby cap, pulled low on his brow. He always has several days growth of that grey stubble which in younger people can be described as designer stubble but which in his case only serves to amplify the image of eccentricity. This isn’t helped by the fact that he carries a long pole which he uses to offset a very pronounced limp. At one time, he had a beautiful border collie, predictably leashed with that type of hairy string known in these parts as binder twine. I don’t want to think about what happened to that dog.

He is not a tramp and I suspect he lives nearby. The neighbours don’t know him. He isn’t very friendly but will grunt in response to a cheery hello. I’d love to know more about him and his life but I wouldn’t want to threaten his self-esteem by enquiring of his circumstances and the events which have brought them about.

So why mention him at all, you may ask. I give you the strange affair of the disappearing turd.

At the weekend, I looked out the window and spotted said gent moving slowly up the road. I then proceeded to exercise the dog and had just entered the lane beside the house when I notice a huge, well-formed stool, steaming magnificently and topped with a keech-stained, greyish cotton handkerchief. Only he or a defaecator of supreme athleticism could have done the deed. I looked behind me and saw the man watching me from the lane across the road. I hurried on up the lane and through the car park.

I enjoyed a circular stroll with the mutt and returned by way of the same lane. My man was nowhere to be seen. As I stroll towards the Scene Of The Steaming Turd, I realise, with astonishment not felt since hearing Ann Widdicombe’s drug policy proposals many years ago, that the turd was gone. Disappeared. No trace.

The only explanation I can offer is that he came back for it. And the hankie.


Why?

Flower Urinals



You too can have one of these in your own home - if you're not careful.


Flower Urinals

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Knickers Out Of Tee Shirts

An end of summer occupation for Aberdonians (or how to give life to long dead myths.)

Knickers Out Of Tee Shirts

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New York - Nightlife In The Seventies




Some great pictures of Seventies New York Nightlife

Some of these are Not Safe For Work

Mousebreaker



Many, many games and cos it's UK you get footy and other pastimes - like killing folk.

Mousebreaker

Build Your Own Spitfire



Build Your Own Spitfire

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Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Legal Guide For Bloggers



Legal Guide For Bloggers


Now I've started, I'd better read this. Read recently about a guy from Waterstones in Edinburgh who got sacked for mentioning his work in a blog. Can't find link just now - will edit later.

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Aye, and X-Ray Glasses an' All



Old comic book ads about hypnotism

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More Evidence Of Increasing Animal Lawlessness

If we get much more of this, the entire cast of Animal Farm will be down the shops with a bottle of White Lightning and a "Top Quality Soapbar Spliff", causing havoc and inciting the lieges to riot.

Chicken Fined For Crossing The Road

...just wondering where they found the only sensible judge in GWB's HolyLand

Daisy Gets Revenge


"You know what it will take to arrest a mad cow?" one newspaper quoted a policeman as saying. "We applied ingenuity and arrested the cow, which is now being detained at the station," he said without going into details.

Crazy

London Underground Song

Not Safe For Work

A song by a couple of doctors, apparently. Nothing turned up in Google. It sounds very like Struck Off and Die, who were Phil Hammond , who is now widely known for his TV appearances, and Tony Gardner, who isn't.

Ribald singing - please turn down your volume if you don't want your offspring corrupted by the sweary stuff, of which there is much.

London Underground

EDIT: I've removed the link just now in light of recent events

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Asterix


asterix

Every one (36 of them) in Flash format - I loved this stuff as a kid - so back to childhood it is, then.

Loverrly

Masturb8 Demonstration



Clever Geezer, this. Some Guy's Blog.

"Masturb 8 Demonstration Hot off the heels of Live 8, Sir Bob Geldof has just launched Sail 8, where he is calling on boat owners to sail en masse across the channel to bring in more people for the Edinburgh March.

Inspired by this, I have decided to do my bit and launch my own spin-off demonstration - Masturb 8.I am calling on all male marchers to blow their load over the politicians attending the G8 summit, to show them what we think of them. And to explain to them in no uncertain terms that if they don't make a difference this time around, we'll follow up with Constip 8.

That'll show them. Bastards.


Bring your own toilet paper and margarine."

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Fifty Tips To Improve Your Writing

And don't I need it !!

Goodies here

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Summer Hols?

The future is Orange

Great News

Shine On You Crazy Diamond

Been hoping this would happen for aeons - even if it's only for a few songs.

Monday, June 13, 2005

M C Escher - A Visionary Artist



M C Escher

If you like M C Escher, then the tremendously talented Photoshoppers at Worth1000.com have done some great stuff here. (I would say broadband only unless you've got a few days to spare.)

An Early Apology

On re-reading what I've posted so far, I realise that I've alluded to female and male naughty bits as well as bodily functions and I've only got about four posts. It won't always be this way (or at least not at this concentration,) so stick around. Please?

A Further Thought On Fashion

More reports recently about the popularity of store bought fashion. It seems that folks, even the trendies, are now happier to buy things from large/cheap stores. There's absolutely no sign of that in my house. A few weeks ago, both daughters were in the car and I drew into Matalan. Immediately, both of them ducked down out of site in case they were seen by someone they knew!!

I give not a jot for fashion and despite my antipathy towards the corporatism of our supermarkets, buy all my stuff from Asda. If they would only show a little local knowledge in their marketing, I'd feel better.

"Clothes By Dod," anyone?

Words

A few weeks ago, meeja reports informed the populace that some new words had been included in, I think, Collin’s dictionary. I recall that ASBO, chav and, courtesy of Alex Ferguson, “squeaky bum time” were included. I know that to Fergie it means the anxiety ridden cheek-clenching that accompanies the final few minutes of a close game but to most of us it really means the trumpeting, triumphant flatulence, usually accompanied by the slight elevation of one or other cheek, that follows consumption of fibre-rich comestibles. Not in polite company, you understand.

This got me thinking, not about farts, but about the words which I hear fairly frequently but haven't really much clue what they mean. They’re not in a dictionary yet and Wikipedia doesn’t help (though Urban Dictionary usually will.) This leads me to ask someone, usually a young person, thus exposing my shameful lack of street wisdom.

I give, as an example, the word “random.”

Parent: “I see Budovski the Butcher was caught wearing high heels at the weekend.”

Offspring: “Hey, that’s random.”

There could follow a very long and tortuous convo (that’s how you describe a dialogue these days, I’m told) re what random actually means. In my case I just shut up – I know when I’m beaten.

Then there is the word “fit,” as in, “Whoar, ‘ain't he/she fit.”

I think that means attractive or worth getting to know better. Now this has special significance in the North East of Scotland as “fit” has several other meanings. Imagine the scene at Madam Murray’s, as the cravat - bedecked gent saunters over to the attractive lady in the sequined, mellifluous ball gown and, by means of an introduction, mutters in her ear “You’re fit.” Unable to hear above the din produced by Alex Sutherland, she replies “Fit?” He says “Aye, you’re fit.”

“Fit?” is the response again. He tries once more, only to be met with “Look, I dinna believe you’ve got mair than a few inches, never mind a fit. Now, bugger off.”

Or words to that effect

Yes, I know that this is far more likely to take place on the Terrace at Revolution or one of the other iniquitous dens of inebriation in Langstane Place or Belmont Street. I also know that the characters involved are far more likely to be wearing a Hugo Boss thong, Rockport boots and a tee shirt saying “Pimp yer Tenement” or something (eh, not a fashion fan, you understand,) but the same principle applies.

How random.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Degenerate student daughter came up with the goods just after I'd posted. I was going to just "strikethrough" the entry but 'cos I'm only just starting to learn this business, I couldn't work out what to do. Hmm, the joy of Aultimer's disease.

Anyway, here are some pretty poor pictures of Anderson Drive to Queen's Cross. I've also posted a link to the ex pat section of thisisnorthscotland forums. I was reluctant to do so at first as I loathe the behaviour of the local press but why not?

I've also signed up with Aberdeen Blogs which seemed like a good idea. More posts with some semi - decent content (nearly wrote "copy" there, pretentious git that I am) soon, with a bit of luck.